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Bless their hearts

Politicians open mouth, insert foot

By Kaye Fish | The News Herald

Published: March 27, 2009

People who place themselves in the public light are often victims of criticism.
That's fair enough, I guess. Even I, frivolous occasional writer for the Gab, am sometimes verbally assailed for my comments. I can't believe anyone would take me seriously enough to get their feathers ruffled, but just so you know, I will never go into politics.
Those skeletons in my closest would be out in the open break dancing before all is said and done.
My first-grade teacher would announce to the world that my white stockings were always grimy with grass stains, and I seldom colored inside the lines.
My high school golf teacher might tell that I bent a golf club after spending the morning weeding with it instead of playing golf. I'm sorry for that again, Coach Rogers.
The list goes on and on. And on the subject of choosing one's words carefully, some people just never know when to shut up. I'm one of them, but I am not Governor Sarah Palin, Iowa Sen. Charles Grassley, Meghan McCain, daughter of Sen. John McCain or President Barack Obama.
Recently, all these very public figures have made comments that didn't sit right with a number of folks.
McCain requested of radio talk show host Laura Ingraham, that she "Kiss my fat..." This dignified quip from McCain came on the heels of Ingraham's criticism of her as a "plus size model"... I wouldn't have made fun of McCain's weight, because she's a beautiful girl even if she isn't waifishly thin. I would, however, like to point out that she was wearing a necklace with Abraham Lincoln's face on it. Abraham Lincoln? As decorative jewelry? And what were you thinking Meg, with the little black "Sally on The Dick Van Dyke Show" hair bow on the side of your head? No matter, if she runs for office, she'd have my vote.
Then there's Sen. Grassley, Republican from Iowa, who suggested to AIG top executives to either resign or commit suicide. You don't play, do ya Chuck? Chances are that Grassley should never apply for a job at the suicide hotline. Yeah, I'd like to smack the top dogs at AIG for shamelessly rolling around in the gynormous bonuses provided to them courtesy of the poor tax payers, but I've never disliked anyone enough to wish them dead. Slightly maimed with a good chance of recovery, maybe, but not dead.
Even President Barack Obama, who was relaxing under the spellbinding hip coolness of talk show host Jay Leno, let down his proverbial hair and let loose with an inappropriate comment regarding his ability to bowl. "It was like the Special Olympics or something," he said. From now on, Mr. President, never, ever, look away from the teleprompter. Have you not learned anything from Sarah Palin?
This brings me to my favorite faux pas, foot-in-mouth comment of the week from Alaska's very own home girl, Sarah Palin. At a GOP dinner in Alaska last week, Palin remarked that just before her last debate against Joe Biden during the election, she felt the need to pray, but could find no one with whom to pray. She said, "...and the McCain campaign, love 'em, you know, they're a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray." Who was around her? Vegas showgirls? Strippers? Drug dealers? Liberal Democrats? I don't know, but Palin didn't have time to give herself a cootie shot before picking someone to pray with her. Mrs Palin, just so you know, here in the South, we women know that it's fine to criticize people as long as you follow anything you say with "Bless his heart," or "Bless her heart."
You tried with the words, "love 'em" but that just wasn't enough. Next time say something like this, "The campaign aides were a bunch of ugly, hairy-backed ogres with whom no one in their right minds would even consider holding hands and praying ... bless their hearts."

Kaye Fish lives in Morganton and writes for the Gab.