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Independence calls to parent and child

Carl Johnson

Published: October 30, 2009

Frank Sinatra's signature song captures the value of personal independence and autonomy so well: "For what is man, what has he got? If not himself then he is naught. To say the things he truly feels; and not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows — and I did it my way."
Much of America would embrace the romantic value of charting your own course, calling all of your own shots, being the captain of your ship and being able to say at the end of life, "I did it my way."
Apparently, this value has crept into every crevice of our culture, even children's picture books. The New Yorker recently published Daniel Zalewski's essay "The Defiant Ones" in which Zalewski argues that picture books for children now present a world where the child is in charge. "The parents in today's stories suffer the same diminution in authority felt by the parents reading them aloud (an hour past bedtime). The typical adult in a contemporary picture book is harried and befuddled, scurrying to fulfill a child's wishes and then hesitantly drawing the line." Parents "learn that there are many things they must never do to their willful young child: spank, scold, bestow frequent praise, criticize, plead, withhold affection, take away toys, 'model' angry emotions, intimidate, bargain, nag." In other words, "nearly all forms of discipline appear morally suspect."
I have little doubt that most people would resist a world in which children called all the shots and parents scurried to "fulfill a child's wishes." Parents should set the rules and discipline children when they disobey, right?
Indeed, the Bible clearly calls parents to lovingly and faithfully correct their children and to reward and encourage obedience. And, despite assaults on nearly every form of discipline, some people, like Albert Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a author, maintain that "lack of discipline will likely do far more harm."
All of this begs the question, "How can an adult at the same time value personal autonomy and yet expect a child to submit his will to their authority?" Why is that which is true for children not also true for adults? On the one hand, adults are totally autonomous and do not have to submit to any authority, but children should. Why? It is logically inconsistent and hypocritical to expect anything different from children that parents themselves do not embrace. Still, parents are frustrated with childish rebellion. What is worse, the mixed message becomes even more convoluted with the introduction of other authority figures to the equation. The very parent who bemoans their child's attitude and disobedience now often side with their children against teachers, coaches, police officers and others that used to be assumed right and shown respect. A child today my well get the message that "I don't have to listen to anybody or anything … except my mom or dad (and then only if they will catch me)."
If children should be expected to submit to authority, how will they learn if it is never modeled? Absolute personal autonomy at any age becomes an untenable proposition and the implications of trying are far-reaching. All humanity is subject to gravity, the passing of day and night, the chemical makeup of the atmosphere, time, government, etc.
Interestingly, a parent's plea to a child is similar but superseded by God's plea to us, "If you will submit yourself to my authority, there will be freedom, order, peace, belonging and stability."
Carl Johnson is pastor of First Baptist Icard and can be reached at tripastor2@yahoo.com.