Wanted: Dirty minded men

By: Kaye Fish | Morganton News Herald
Published: February 23, 2009

A recent study conducted at Princeton University concluded that men view women wearing bikinis as sex objects .... well, duh. Did they pay someone to do this study?
According to CNN.com, "New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis."
This is not rocket science, now is it? My questions are: who decided there was a need to do such a study, and what do you suppose they placed in the help wanted ad to solicit the help of voyeuristic men?
Help wanted: Dirty minded men to view photos of scantily clad women. No experience necessary. Must work nights and weekends and BYOB.
The researchers, who apparently intend to do further study in this area, proclaim that as a result of their study they were able to determine that men view sex as a very desirable goal.
Other astounding discoveries of the study included that the part of the brain in men associated with analyzing another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women, and that men tend to remember the females in bikinis more over those who were fully clothed.
Furthermore, the experts at Princeton University assert that men associate powerful, first-person action verbs with the bikini wearing women.
Verbs combined with the subject I are used such as in "I push, I handle and I grab," while they associate only third person subjects with verbs when viewing fully-clothed women.
For example, a woman in a parka and coonskin cap might have been associated with words such as "she pushes, she handles and she grabs."
This may be the reason, according to Dr. Know-it-All, that there are more female strip clubs than male strip clubs.
He also concluded that the men associated pictures of homeless drug addicts in a negative light, but in the case of the bikini women, they had just the opposite reaction.
Dr. Know-it-All vehemently and emphatically suggests that such images not be viewed in the workplace as it may result in negative consequences such as men treating their female coworkers as sex objects.
Lastly, researchers theorize that men who view pictures of their wives in bikinis do not have this sort of reaction.
Especially, I would say, after she never took off that extra 30 pounds after baby No. 3.
Ok, I'm ready for the study they plan to do with women viewing pictures of scantily clad men.
I will volunteer my time for free so long as all my male coworkers understand that it isn't my fault when I go to work the next day and say, "Grab me a cup of coffee, Toots, handle it with care, then push on out of here and buy yourself something pretty."