Grief support group plans first meeting

Connected through an unwelcomed bond of losing a child, some area parents are starting a new support group. They are forming a local chapter of Compassionate Friends for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child. According to a recent press release, the group will provide an opportunity for these families to meet with others who have endured similar tragedies.

Lisa Richards is the local chapter leader.

"The death of a child is an unexpected tragic event," she said. "Until now there has been no type of specific support for the grieving parents, grandparents or children. At the time of my daughter Amy's death, I remember feeling so isolated and alone. Others had experienced loss but it was their mothers, fathers or grandparents."

Talking about the loss of a child helps, she said, but "after a child dies, no one wants to talk with you about your child, probably because they are afraid of making you feel bad. The irony is that talking about your child helps you. No one wants their child forgotten."

The Compassionate Friends of the N.C. Foothills will offer the bereaved an opportunity to speak publicly without feeling out of place.

The Compassionate Friends is a national non-profit self-help organization for families who have lost a child to death.

According to a 1999 survey, "The Death of a Child," conducted independently on behalf of TCF, 19 percent of the adult population has experienced the death of a child and 22 percent the death of a sibling.

TCF was founded in England in 1969 and established in the United States in 1972. It became a federally qualified 501(c) (3) non-profit corporation in 1978. Now, four decades after its establishment, TCF has more than 625 chapters nationwide whose mission is to aid bereaved families by providing a support network.

"This is an organization of parents ministering to parents who have lost children and many of the organizers qualify," Aleta Hoyle said.

She lost a child and a brother and said, "It is the most difficult thing in the world to lose a child. This is a way to give back and I have a passion to help in this area."

The first meeting will be at 7 p.m. Tuesday at Burke Hospice and Palliative Care's conference room, 1721 Enon Road in Valdese. (The group is not affiliated with Hospice.)

Monthly meetings will continue on the second Tuesday of the month. There will be a get-acquainted time, refreshments and casual conversation. Guest speakers or a video presentation centered on coping during grief and a time of sharing will be offered in the future.

Meetings are for all families, parents, grandparents and siblings aged 13 and up regardless of race, religious orientation, economic background or the cause and age of the child at death, from pre-birth up.
Grieving is a different experience for siblings and grandparents, Hoyle noted.

"During the support group, we will listen to each other. Through sharing we are trying to help others and we can learn some coping skills," she said.

Tears are many times the language understood among grieving individuals.

"Studies have proven that tears are emotional releases that help you to feel better," Richards said. "Through our shared experience, we will be able to talk about the loss and learn coping techniques that will help us in our journey toward healing."

Hoyle said, "We have a really strong need for this in this area. This is the only chapter located in Burke, Catawba and Caldwell counties. We will be able to serve a broad area and we welcome anyone that fits the criteria."

The chapter also will create a lending library and is seeking donations of books about dealing with grief. Handout brochures will be available on many topics related to the death of a child. The group will not charge dues or fees. Business donations and love gifts will be accepted as a memorial for the children and will be put towards publishing a chapter newsletter, further outreach in the community and covering additional expenses.

"The Compassionate Friends welcomes The Compassionate Friends of the N.C. Foothills chapter," said Richards. "Our mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive. The Compassionate Friends of the NC Foothills will help us toward that mission."