How is dating like writing a book?

Have you ever heard someone say, "I could write a book on this?"
Whatever a person is experiencing at the time, if they've gone through a lot of turmoil, self-examination, study or lessons learned, they often have much to share. Whether or not they get down to writing a book about it is another matter. Time, energy, focus, opportunity and personal calling play their own role.
Since I'm a writer as well as a single's relationship coach, it seemed like a good idea to put that declaration into action.
However, as I was writing, "Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends," I couldn't help but notice how many components of writing a book were similar to a person's individual journey into dating.
Here are the similarities between two daunting adventures: dating and writing a book.
1. Focusing on your goals
Before you can do anything, obviously you have to make up your mind that you want to do it; you're going to do it; you're willing to take the actions necessary to accomplish it. Making an agreement with someone who will hold you accountable, offer advice or mentor you is helpful. This is a time for soul-searching: Do you truly want to do this? Why? Asking these questions will give you clarity.
DATING TIP: Make a conscious decision to start dating and then do something about it.
2. Get some help
After you decide to do anything-from dating or to writing-become informed. Read books and articles, talk to experts, do research on the Internet and network with friends. You want to sharpen your skills, make lists of what you will do and set a time line. None of us can do as well on our own as we can do with others giving us information, ideas and support.
DATING TIP: Get some help in becoming your own expert in dating, learning where to go, what to do and what works for you.
3. Get prepared
How have you prepared yourself to be successful? Do you need a coach, a class or a crash course in something? Do you need a diet plan, a makeover or some serious meditation? Preparation is always a key ingredient in achieving a goal. Once you get focused, get yourself ready — mentally, physically and emotionally.
DATING TIP: Do an honest assessment of what you need to give yourself for dating success.
4. Discipline
What are you willing to do to be successful? Are you willing to invest the time, thought, energy and determination your goal requires? Can you restructure your schedule to make time for your endeavor? You have to be willing to stick to your plan, alter it if necessary, roll with the surprises and what seems like disappointments, and then … network with others.
DATING TIP: Anything you do in life takes trial, error and work, including dating.
5. Check points
Whenever you set a goal, you need to break it down into pieces, such as, in the case of a book, you need an outline, sections, chapters and headings. What are your checkpoints in dating? What will you do and by when? Do you need to make calls to friends and plan some activities together where you will be likely to meet other singles? Can you find some single's events to attend? Will you join an online dating site? (The free ones are not as reputable as the ones you pay for, according to my sources.) Can you make a list of 10 people you can call to tell them you would like to meet someone wonderful and if they know of anyone, you'd appreciate an introduction?
DATING TIP: Break your dating plan into pieces and then handle each piece one at a time.
6. Perseverance
This is where you come to the Y in the road. One lane says, "Give up," and the other says, "Keep on trying." You might feel if you take the "keep trying" road that appears to be long, winding and endless, that you will come to the edge of the Earth and fall off. But you won't. You will know that you did everything possible to accomplish what you wanted; you will not live your life wondering, "What if?"; and you will have learned important life lessons on your way. It isn't the end result that matters as much as the journey itself. Incorporate your goal into your daily life and decide to enjoy yourself while you are in the process of working towards it.
DATING TIP: Never give up looking for your great date, which could become your great mate.
How is dating like writing a book? If you knock yourself out doing your absolute best, you will get far more out of it than you ever imagined. Going after what you want is always worth it.

Tonja Evetts Weimer is the author of "Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends." For her free newsletter, contact tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.singlesdatingtips.com.